My beloved Nightingale,
So far I am addressing You my love,but I want somehow to be able to go through all circumstances,places,times,characters,roles,happenings,performances,openings..far beyond ,..far beyond feminist writer,so called idealistic lesbian,dancer,drag king performer..far beyond your family,your tutors, and each and every person from Your life.
I want You to stop preforming and acting,at least when You are with me.
I am really trying very hard to be beyond everything and everybody..I want and i do love and cared for,be able to stop herself and to try to be simple here and to listen for a while.
I am woman in love with You but also I am Your friend from the bottom of my heart and with whole my spirit and mind.
You Clara,can be for a while with me united with heart,mind and spirit of Yours.
I want You to listen me as my friend,as woman who did realised how much I do love and care for You.
You do know that people at the end of their lives do realise a simple true about most important things in life,like living in a present moment,loving simple a person,Nature,seeking for little Beauty which are lefted in our days to be found by us,doing things with united heart,spirit,soul,mind,intellect.Looking for Love(God)True,Music,Art,Move,Friendship,Comradeship,Faith,Hope and Joy.
We are all born to be happy,to love and be loved.To give ourselves from love and with love.To be able to resieve love from love and with love.
Somehow You did open Your heart to so many people who are wounded,without real possibility to cherish You as a person,as young lady,as friend,as artist,as idealist and romantic soul.Even woman.When You open Yourself to wrong people they usually manipulate You.Clara,in searching for Love You have to be stable person who knows what does she wants if life and why does she want that.I don’t want to go into each Your relationship to open Your inner eyes.You will do that by Yourself.You do know Your mistakes already,i believe You do.
Why don’t we together find who You are and what do You want in life(Why).
I will write as much as I know so far,You can add what ever You want or erase if that’s not true.
- young woman with extraordinary need to be loved,protected,safe,to be recognised and to be fulfilled
-with already so much painful relationship,betrayed,manipulated,used,miss guided,
-artist(what is the meaning of an artist,to You?),writer,dancer,composer,
-compeating inside a family,the oldest child,
-searching for:ideal person(soulmate,friend,comrade,guider and love),ideal poem,ideal word,ideal move..longing to be the best in all fields,to prove yourself to everybody,to be somebodies everything,to be adored,loved.
You can add what ever You think You should add.But in small,that is my opinion what You are and want.
Still I do feel that there is more what had never been said.I don’t even want to ask You if You thing that is good to hide it.But You should know that hidden things are never good for us in our life,it is always wound which grows inside us unless she is loudly spoken.You said so much that I really do not see the reason for hiding.Think about it!
You know that we can’t change our past but she is here so we can learnt from her.When You learn from past You become wise.And besides Love,true and honesty we do need to be wise in life so we can know what is good for us and what is not,and of course the reasons for it.Because of Your past I did call You experience young Lady.So far I don’t really see that You did understood the lessen which gave You Your own past.
Do left out all what is not You and what is not really good for You .I am telling You as You friend and love,go out from lesbian world.You are not part of it.They already changed You in so many ways that I don’t want to even try to write about examples of that.You did almost lost Your soul,nothing on this world is worthy as Your soul.They are not Your real friends.Mixing Your wonderful being (and woman you already become) with LTBG people did hurt Your heart.You are not like them,You are far too good,too honest,too clean to be part with them.All they want is Your soul,Your being that they can manipulate with You,Your clean and pure heart to make it like theirs.You feel already theirs sorrow,theirs dirt.You don’t want really to be become some old drag king or lesbian queen.They will let You down,they already did.Manipulation is not Love,never.
How on Earth is possible that someone say:Last is blind,love is not.?????Who is this?This is not woman.Woman is gentle,always caring,always sophisticate,emotional.To talk about last in front of an Innocent child?Is she a which?She does not have faiths?How can she have faith when she did renounce all the Beauty she was born for.And You learnt from such person?What Clare?To become vulgar and strong as she is?What for?To preform some drag king?King? They are devils,dragons,monsters.My love You are beautiful woman.You are princess of Your own words.You make magic with words!You can heal each wound with Your beautiful words:Why my Love?Why on earth You are mixing with dirt people?I will send You my heart,not just literary,and then You will see that love do exist.I know that dreams are made for us to be found.I found my dream.You will find,I know You will.
It is You ,who invite such person without souls and hearts to become part of Your own life.
I can do anything instead of You.You have to change Your life.To become what You really are.
Beauty do exist in world.You can always find it when You look with clean open Heart.You have such heart,I know,I do feel it.use Your heart my beloved Lady and You will find the way to home.Trust me .Trust in me like I did trust in You long before we become even friends.Do not let anybody to take You all the Beauty you posses.
You don’t have to prove Youself.Your Words will prove for You.
I would love that You are closer.Insteed all I can send You my words,my admiration,my love and my faith in You .You already gave me what have no one gave me before:poem for me.I do live for them.In them lay down all my faith.
I love You Nightingale.I will always love You!